Dark Victories

This is why my love, we don’t wallow in our misery

This is why we know to not let the darkness consume us whole.

We choose instead to tattoo ourselves to remind us of the courage hidden deep within our skin,

Ready to seep out when necessary like a superpower on demand.

We use words to steer clear of murky waters and make ourselves laugh so no one is the wiser.

We listen well, so you forget to open our can of worms.

We stay quiet, so our darkest won’t haunt your brightest sun beams.

We build blanket forts at night before we fall asleep and pull the covers over our faces to blind ourselves from seeing the darkness face to face

For the dark, she is powerful, and consumes us whole if we even acknowledge it.

We use our powers to dream up stories instead, to wield our imagination as we see fit;

To take dark valleys and add streams and flowers and lover’s arms.

We don’t let the darkness dwell and if we cannot stop it from coming, we know to let it wash over us.

We brace for impact under furrowed comforters and clenched fists,

With chewed up lips and eyes wide open- so we know as soon as it’s passed,

Curled in, to hold ourselves to remind us that the warmth is real- not imaginary.

We take deep breaths when it’s gone to remind ourselves we survived and can finally close our eyes.

We let the darkness fade in our rearview mirrors and when it’s gone, we cry for joy.

We want to tell the whole world but the world rarely understands our secret battles and late night victories.

Don’t cry my love, don’t let it dwell in your heart

If you let it take root it won’t leave;

Just let it wash over you,

Give in for a measured millisecond and then, let it go.

Tell it tenderly that you know it must pay it’s visit but then, it must leave.

I know my love, I know you want to fix the world and fix me

But you see, sometimes the world is so broken, jutting out into itself so crudely,

It’s hard to know which piece goes where,

It’s hard to fix,

And that’s just as well.

You don’t need to fix me my love.

I have learned to walk the jagged path a quarter century now and it’s ways are all too familiar to me.

I don’t even fear it as much as I used to

I have learned to feel for it in the dark and I’ve trained my thoughts to avoid the highest cliffs of insanity –

So that when I do take the fall, the impact doesn’t destroy, it only decimates.

You don’t have to fix me, my love, you don’t even have to try.

I have my own sunbeams now, and though they’re less bright than yours, they are enough to light up my world,

They are reason enough to survive.

11/23/15 (3:30am)

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