Love Is a Choice, Not a ‘Feeling’ – Part 3

‘Love does not insist on its own way’

This one is easier said than done. We are so used in society today, to being told its good when things go our way, that we have forgotten the joy that comes from true love and sacrifice. We often put men/women who put their lover’s desires before their own and give up their own comfort for the others on a pedestal, but we never think that we should return the favor. We want a guy who will put us first but are we willing, in turn, to put him first as well? It’s not supposed to be a one-sided thing. Also, a quick side note, remember the toilet seat argument? Stop insisting on your own way people!

Also, stop being picky on exactly how the dishes need to be washed, the beds made or things organized. Is something getting done? That’s better than nothing isn’t it? Pick your battles people, pick them or you’ll end up being the ‘nag-er’. DUN DUN DUN. 

PS: NO ONE listens to the nag-er. Seriously, our brains just instinctively tone it out….its an actual physiologic thing. Don’t look that up.

‘Love is not irritable or resentful’

Yup, not at 3 o clock in the morning when you gotta wake up and change the baby’s diapers because your wife is starting to a go a little crazy from sleep deprivation, husbands. Not when you gotta give up your plans for the day at the drop of a hat because you friend broke up with her boyfriend, again, and you almost want to smack sense into her. Not when your husband left the dishes in the sink for the millionth time and you could just scream! I’m not saying you’re not allowed to be irritable, it’s a human feeling, it happens. I’m saying, please, please try your best to not let it get the best of you and for you to snap and say something mean. Remember the last part about being rude? 

Also, don’t be resentful. It’s an evil, evil feeling. Take all those mental lists of times someone has wronged you and delete it. I said delete it. Do it.  Done? Feel lighter already, don’t ya? Stop making mental lists because it doesn’t lead to anything good (in thoughts, words or deeds) and it doesn’t solve any problems either, does it? So do the practical thing and just let it go. The longer you hold on to things, the more it gets you down and that smile gets dragged down too. So if someone wrongs you, smile, be nice and then go watch a funny video on YouTube or shoot God a look, but then let it go. Don’t ever make lists….it makes you resentful, and fills your heart with bad stuff until it gets to a point where you can’t even pray anymore and you start blowing things out of proportion and ugh…can you tell I’m speaking from experience? Just laugh instead, it makes awkward moments better, big things seem smaller and it puts your short life in perspective. Ain’t nobody got time to dissect a rude remark or a suspiciously worded FB message or whatever you think is directed against you. Life is too short to spend frowning and scrutinizing. So spend your life surrounded with as much laughter, joy and peace as possible…that way, you’ll have someone to make you smile even when life is feeling a little glum. 

When life gives you lemons, make some lemonade and watch a Friends episode, or DDLJ. Somehow, you come out feeling a little better.

‘Love  does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right’

This one’s pretty self explanatory. Love lives on right. Its like love is a vampire and the right is its blood. That was a weird analogy, I’m sorry for the image.  Basically, if a love is true, it will stand for truth and not anything else, no matter how convenient the wrong may be. For instance, God is love. It goes without saying that he cannot stand for wrong. Because of this, God loves you and he wants you to be doing the right thing so you can experience the fullness of his love. Because if you are in a state of sin, you can’t experience the fullness of his grace and love. Also, some say sin is a rejection of God’s love so there’s that too.

I see this portion as the ‘tough love’ clause. Sometimes, when you love someone, that means you stand up for the right thing for them, even if the wrong thing is giving them (temporary) happiness because you see past the now into eternal life. This means correcting them, gently. I saw a documentary recently ( that I cannot find now…totally forgot their names!!) of a mother who chose to have her child who have diagnosed with Down Syndrome, even though the father was insisting on having an abortion. The mother was afraid her husband would leave but she stuck to her decision and when the child was born, the father didn’t leave and a few months in, he realized how perfect his daughter was and he was a runner who decided to show his pride in his daughter to the world by running with her in his races.

Same goes for the Church’s pro-life stance. It’s tough to hear, but the church is really speaking the right, even if the wrong may be easier, or more socially acceptable. Someone’s gotta speak up for that child right? I mean this same ‘my body, my right/choice’ also applies to the baby. Just because you can’t currently see the baby or because it can’t speak to you doesn’t mean that baby doesn’t have a ‘my body, my choice’ right as well. Like that quote by Gloria Steinem, ‘ The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off’. Love and Truth are not things of convenience that we pull out when we want them, it’s always there and for it to be true, you cannot put it under the bed when you don’t want it, you have to let it illuminate your good and your faults and use that light to steer yourself in the right direction.

7/20/13