It took me a while to realize you’d be human, like me. Not perfect, just like me. And probably having loads of things you were working on, like me. But no matter how long it took for this realization to finally dawn, I’m glad it happened. Because when it did, it helped me to bring you to the Lord as sincerely as I bring myself to Him. To see you not as a perfect story book soulmate, but as a human being. I know, I make the most obvious conclusions- absolute genius, me.
Either way, I’ve been praying a lot for you lately and for what seems like a really long time of waiting. When I have good days I pray that you’ll be having one too. I can only hope He makes you laugh as much as He makes me blush with delight every day. When I go through my dark days I pray for you as well, that you will have someone to console you, to take care of you, to talk you out of the dark corners. I pray that someone will always be there to give you hope when you need it, to give you strength, to point to the light when nothing but dark seems to surround you.
I’ve prayed for every part of you, for those shoulders, for all the daily responsibilities and expectations they bear daily. I’ve prayed that the Lord may give them the strength they need, to bear the weight of all you carry with you. I pray He may give you a sense of humor to take in the crazy adventure of life and all the craziness I will certainly usher into your life as well (sorry, not sorry at all). I’ve prayed for those arms, that they may have the courage to open up, to reach out, to protect and to strengthen. That they may know when to draw me out of my turtle shell and also know when there is no consoling me and, a bear hug is the only last resort.
I’ve prayed for those feet and every path they walk down; that you may always be accompanied by His wisdom and love at every turn they take. I pray that I may have the courage to walk alongside you; and be eager to forgive and ready to take my pride lightly. I’ve prayed for those ears and eyes – that they may not grow jaded and weary with all they see in the world. That they may hear music I don’t, that they may see what I stay stubbornly blind to. I’ve prayed for that tongue, may it not be as silent as mine at decisive times, but hopefully they’re kinder. I pray the Lord may teach me to smoothen the edges of my words and I have already begun to apologize to you for the times they might cut. I am so sorry for my lack of emotional availability- I may or may not be a sociopath- diagnosis pending.
I’ve prayed for that mind and all the decisions it makes each day and, every thought that races past it. I’ve prayed for that heart, that it may be engulfed with desire. A desire that doesn’t settle for mediocrity but calls out from its depths for the truth and, settles for nothing less. A desire that will set you on a restless quest that ends where all searches do, with Him. A desire that will chide me on when I falter, that will draw those around you to holiness. And for a heart that is open, even if its not quite sure of all the answers yet.
I’ll be honest, sometimes the waiting seems too long. It feels never ending and tiresome. Every friend’s wedding announcement, a tortuous reminder of how far I am from you. That loneliness can be overwhelming at times and at those times, I swear especially hard to give you an earful for taking so long to get to me. But I know even that is a lesson to be learned- what that lesson is, God alone knows. Other days I wonder what you’re like, how much longer it will take, how our story will turn out. But the Lord seems to always remind me that I have no need, at the present moment, for anyone other than Him. He’s a bit selfish, that one. His utter confidence gives me the same though and somehow always makes me feel better, even smile occasionally.
Now I have been spoiled by the Lord. He has loved me in a way that has ruined me for all other loves of the world. Even so, I won’t deny that I still think of you, miss you and want you so badly to be in my life already. But I know that our time apart is a time the Lord uses to draw us closer to himself, to work on our hearts and hammer out some of those rough edges. Though it hurts to wait and be perfectly patient, I know that when He reveals you to me in His time, I will probably be a little surprised but in the best way possible and I cannot wait for that (I know, I suffer from redundant impatience).
So in conclusion I guess I should say what I shouldn’t, please hurry up and get here already. I can hardly wait and at the very least I can promise you this, I will be your path to sainthood, if you’ll be mine.
With lots of love and impatience,
Your future, maybe better, half