I am an optimist most days;
My world is made of infinite possibilities where everything works out eventually,
Where no matter how much my heart hurts today, I may actually be able to laugh tomorrow.
But some days, the world presses in harder.
Some days the veil wears thin.
Some days the world seems keen to drag me underwater even though it knows I can’t swim.
And when I can hold my breath no longer,
When the unnatural silence forces me to pry my eyes open;
Things may get even worse.
I may stop wanting to wear earrings or pink lipstick,
Or all things in the color yellow.
I may want nothing more than sleep,
And oblivion and, kingdom come
And hope endlessly for the never visible, but hopefully near, reminder that heaven may truly exist.
But nevertheless, my synapses and heart lie bound and quiet. I can do nothing but wait.
Wait for the longing for company to return,
For the redemptive ecstatic bliss of joy to shudder it’s way up my bones again.
To feel the spark of fight and sarcasm trod confidently, back in my direction,
To suddenly catch a glimpse of myself and realize out of the blue, that I may in fact be a little bit funny, and look a bit pretty today and, find myself pretty all right as well.
When the dark current relents ever so slightly, as if teasing me back into life’s green shires again.
When the water starts to seem brilliant, and peaceful, and oh so beautifully clear.
We live our days mere worlds apart, my love
But oh so close are our worlds, they can kiss.