Is Immodesty an Excuse for Lust and Abuse? Answer: Heck no.

Here is an article that made me cry. Really, it did and not just for the immense respect this man shows for women, because it is there and there quite beautifully. What made me cry is the fact that as someone who could have so easily passed the blame onto women for how he felt, or anticipates his son will feel, he chose not to. This really demonstrates to me the immense love and wisdom this man has to truly muster up the courage to take the road less traveled and take on the responsibility to teach the future generation on how to do that as well.

The fact remains though, that it sadly speaks volumes that this kind of behavior is given standing ovations today, when in fact, it should be the norm. This is what we are supposed to think, all of us! It really is basic human decency and nothing more.

nothing is more important
Thank you, Mr. President.

Too long has the issue of modesty been a weight that has been placed solely on the shoulders of women, instead of taking into account both sides of the coin. It is like blaming the gun instead of the shooter. Yes, the gun may, at times, enable some bad decisions, but that does not irk from the shooter his equal, if not greater responsibility in utilizing the gun for his ow purposes.

Yet the chosen answer has always been hide the gun/woman, cloak her and guard her- guilt her into wearing nothing that makes her feel beautiful. Then proceed to shower your attention on women who are the opposite of what you tell ‘good, modest girls’ to be, so you can further feed her lack of self-esteem. Additonaly, if a shooter happens to have his way with gun regardless of what it wants- go ahead and blame the gun while making the shooter simply seem like a misunderstood soul who was helpless before the charming wiles of the gun. What kind of way is that to treat someone?

And if you chose to pick the option to hide women or cloak feminine beauty, how long can you can be successful in doing so in a man’s life? The answer is, not long at all, especially in our culture today, which screams sexuality from the rooftops, and beats people to death with it everywhere from tv shows and movies to fast-food-chain ads . Eventually, people are going to see, find and interact with women and their body, they live in the real world, after all, you cannot protect anyone forever. Then what are you going to do?

There, there Ms. Gun. If you had your sweater on last night, then maybe that guy wouldn’t have used you to kill someone. Now do you see how you can keep this from happening again?

No, the only way to find a long term solution to this problem is to teach them the reality of ‘guns’. What they are, how they can be used, what is acceptable behavior and what is not, and to take responsibility of the stupid decisions we may make when holding a ‘gun’. We must teach our boys and men about women- teach them what a normal relationship with a women should look like (hint: just treat her like an actual human being with thoughts and feelings). We should show them what it looks like and sounds like to respect another person, love another person and act with wisdom.

We must teach our girls that the reality is, it doesn’t matter how they dress, others can choose how to treat and respect them different from what they expect or desire. They are not responsible for the thoughts of other people, that’s on the others. Boys must be taught that while certain visual stimuli may bring up a train of thought or desire, whether or not they act on those thoughts is totally upto them. Thoughts and desires don’t necessitate actions, they are simply thoughts. Actions, on the other hand, are performed purposefully and consciously and thus merit the full weight of the responsibility they entail- a responsibility that falls on the perpetrator, not the victim. This is not a responsibility that can be easily shrugged off with inconsiderate excuses like , “Boys, will be boys” or “Don’t be a tease/stumbling block” or “She got what was coming to her” or “She was asking for it”.

“Dude, did you see those chicks? They were totally asking for it!”

No one, even in their most unconscious (read: black out drunk) moments, asks for something that violates their humanity and integrity to the extent that sexual abuse does. To even suggest that this is the case, indicates how incapable of love and how much of a dick you are. So don’t be a dick, be someone worth loving. Also, realize that raping someone physically weaker than you (worse still if they aren’t even conscious) indicated how much of a coward you are that you cannot initiate an actual relationship with someone unless they aren’t in a rational state of mind. Its a disgrace to your own personality and worth.

This is what being a man actually looks like. Chugging testosterone only shrinks your balls, so stop trying to be ‘macho, guys’.

This is the only way to solve the problem of lust, rape and all other kinds of sexual issues that first gets met with the question, “What was she wearing?” instead of,  “How could he?”.  I hope parents, especially fathers everywhere will sit up, listen and teach their children (through actions and words), how to treat each other respectfully and before anything else, as human beings first.

If you won’t listen to me, at least listen to Louis CK! The man is an actual father, with a sense of humor, no less.

PS: I realize I may have sounded a little angry for some part of this post, it’s because I am. This is an issue that ruffles my feathers because it is an underlying attitude I seem to see a lot when the modesty topic comes up and my anger is only to shield the pain I feel, because when people have a ‘lets-play-the-blame-game’ attitude towards women for simpler things like modesty and lust, I see it as an indication of how they will also think in the more painful matters of abuse and rape. It breaks my heart to even think of someone looking at a victimized woman with such a callous, insensitive and unloving attitude. This is also the reason why I was so moved by the love and dignity the father from the article showed women everywhere by just being a decent human being. Sir, I salute you with my tears. By which I mean you touched my heart fibres. I hope someday I will marry a man who will know how to love a human being like you do.

10/5/13

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